Glee's Adam Shankman gives yet another Broadway musical a celluloid makeover with the kind of success you'd expect given the source material, and the guy doing the makeover. Inspired by the desire to make a helluva lot of cash, Rock Of Ages tacked a relentless list of 80's hair band power ballads to the universal (uninspired?) story of small town girl meets big city boy.

She wants to be a singer, so does he. They work in a bar and get their shot when legendary rocker Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) is booked for his final show. Meanwhile, the mayor and his wife want the joint closed down for reasons that are unimportant other than to give Catherine Zeta Jones a chance to chew scenery in ways that would make William Shatner blanche. Naturally she runs foul of those who built this city on rock and roll. If you're looking for a musical as subtle as, say, Hairspray, look away. What follows joins all too familiar dots to that equally familiar finale. Seen it before? Oh yeah.

Which is a shame considering Shankman's achievement with Hairspray. Here it's all on automatic with the best moments coming from Cruise and Paul Giamatti as his long-suffering manager. Considering they're something of a sideshow, it falls to Diego Bonita and Julianne Hough (Footloose, Burlesque) as rock's new hope to give the story some life beyond catchy songs and big dance numbers. Let's just say, if you're Metallica and you're shopping for a new singer, you wouldn't visit the Mickey Mouse Club.

No matter how much you loved 80's pop-rock (hard rock, despite what the producers would have you think, isn't on the bill), you'll find this shrill at best. There are a couple of toe-tappers that propel the storyline: a worked up Zeta Jones banging out Pat Benatar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot for instance, or Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin's heartfelt version of REO Speedwagons' Can't Fight This Feeling. But mostly Rock Of Ages is a lame, long and unnecessarily noisy journey through an 80's back catalogue designed to get fans on seats, if only once.

// COLIN FRASER
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