In the mid-90’s, Alan Conway conned Londoners out of whatever he needed (drinks, cash and sex mostly) by posing as Stanley Kubrick. That his success was not troubled by the fact he didn’t look anything like Kubrick, or indeed bother to learn anything about his career said a great deal about the cult of personality. There’s a whiff of Charlie Kaufman about the film that suggests Being Stanley Kubrick starring John Malkovich. Cast a number of Britain’s favourite faces and the potential is delicious.

What a difference a script makes. One is tipped off by jaunty credits that make clear this ‘true-ish story’ is not nearly as clever as it thinks it is. An opportunity to exam gullibility, celebrity and need against real-ish events pales into a one-joke pantomime. Admittedly, Malkovich turns in a drooling performance as he swaps mannerisms and accents like Tom Cruise changes partners. There are some winning double-entendres such as Conway’s confession when seducing a young man that he once handled himself, ‘but now I prefer someone else to do it’. Cute, and one of the few moments that are.

Subplots go nowhere, characters disappear while the use of Kubrick’s scores are obvious and poorly handled. The assembled group of faded-TV stars are given no clear direction as Cook invests too much of his sparse 83 minutes noting Conway’s conquests before any semblance of story takes shape. When it does, the change arrives too late to matter. Whether Cook was blinded by the central conceit or mangled by nervous studios is hard to say. In either regard, Colour Me Kubrick is a disappointing waste of a great story.

// COLIN FRASER